LOST But NOT FORGOTTEN

Lost But Not Forgotten

Far too often in life, for various reasons, families are split apart. Loved ones are separated from their families and live alone, secluded, away from everyone. Yes, it is true that many of these individuals often choose to live this way; however, many times the loved ones that they leave behind do not feel the same. How many times in life do we get into fights with people and say things that we really don’t mean? It happens all the time. But for some people, these kinds of spats happen and the next thing they know, the other party has vanished for good.  There is nothing more hurtful in the world than to have a disagreement with someone and never have the ability to reconcile with them.

Mental illness and substance abuse are some of the biggest causes of these types of situations. So many families have given up, after multiple tries, to get their family member sober. And so many times, family will attempt to intervene in getting someone mental health assistance, but for various reasons, some unknown, it is unsuccessful. These people who are victims of substance abuse or mental illness are LOST. They are lost in life, stuck in a world that just continues to devour them. They are no happier than those trying to help them futilely. Sometimes, there is just no easy way out for these people. And after years go by, each member of the family has tried to help and has given up. When there is no one left to help, what then? What do the LOST do when there is no one left to stand with them?

Cases such as these happen all the time. In my own life journey, trying to chase down and locate my mother who was an alcoholic AND suffered from severe mental illness (dissociative identity disorder and others)—I have come across many others with the same types of stories. There are so many people who have a family member who has either detached themselves or has been disowned from the rest of the family. And most of the time, the person who isolates themselves or leaves from being disowned, actually still has family or friends somewhere who still care. It leaves a huge hole in the hearts of those who care for these people and they spend their lives trying to find some way to fix it.

Many of the homeless individuals that you see in our country are from situations and families just like these. And I can bet you that more than half of those homeless, have someone somewhere, who is thinking of them and wishing they knew how to fix it. But when an adult member of society decides that they no longer want to be found, they are entitled to do that. It is sad. Very Sad. Something needs to be done to remedy some of the situation. There are so many unnecessary broken hearts in our country that could be mended with a little extra care and work to help find those that are “LOST”. Many families have no idea how they would even attempt to find someone voluntarily “lost” in such a big place. So it is my goal, to try and do what I can, to attempt to help those people.

When explosive disagreements happen or family life is less than perfect, it often leaves individuals feeling unloved, like no one cares about them anymore.  But there are very few people that you can talk to that will tell you they are 100% able to write anyone off for good. The LOST feel that there is no one left to love them, which in fact is usually not the case. Someone cares and wonders where they are…

Many of us, unfortunately, have experienced having someone LOST and are not at the point in the road where they are deceased. Finding out that they died alone, you had no attempts to reconcile or declare your feelings, and that you were never able to say goodbye or give one last offering of love at a funeral or memorial service is really hard. It will leave a scar in your heart forever.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. I have tried to run every scenario through my mind that could possibly offer assistance in this matter. I have come up with a couple of possibilities that I think might help, IF I can gather and rally up enough of the RIGHT volunteers for it. There are many people who volunteer and are advocates for the homeless; I am hoping that some of those people will come forward to help. If you know anyone, are interested in helping yourself or might be able to point me in the right direction, please let me know by sending me an email at cleaning44870@gmail.com

My vision of possible solutions for these matters:

1.      Create a website (a database of sorts) that will allow families and/or individuals to post about their LOST loved ones. Or allow the LOST to post about themself and their family. Anyone with information about someone who is known to be detached from their family elsewhere, can post to this website. (It will most likely be people who know there is distress about the family detachment.)

It is my hopes that in doing this, those that are LOST may find someone is looking for them; And for the friend/family of the LOST, may be able to find their loved one by matching their criteria to that of possible homeless, mentally ill or other individuals submitted.

2.      Create an organization that is free of charge, that uses services and resources similar to private detectives, that can assist in researching individuals who are estranged from their families. Volunteers who can write down the case information for the person submitted, get family information, background, etc… to use to search in particular locations by notifying homeless, health and public enforcement agencies. We need a staff of people who can spread the word about someone being sought after. If you have an adult who is “missing” from your life, but does not meet the criteria to be officially listed as “MISSING”—you can notify the law enforcement in their suspected area of residence, so that the police can inform the individual that they are being inquired about.

If I am the administrator of the website, then when family members or friends post about someone who is possibly homeless or has mental illness concerns, I can use that information to research and notify possible agencies/areas about that individual and the family/friend seeking them. Someone has to be the one to reach out and notify these people that they are being sought after. Some of them may choose to remain detached; if that is the case then at least we can notify the family that the person is alive and well. Some of them who are notified may discover that they were not forgotten and might just find their way home! Law enforcement has their hands tied when it comes to missing adults because they are only allowed to do so much. They have to respect the rights of the individual. They also do not have the time, manpower or funds to spend searching for adults who “went missing on their own free will”. So I feel that I need to create a service that will fill in that gap. I have been there and had to find out the hard way what resources were available to me, etc… I want to be able to help others in finding and using those resources more quickly and efficiently.

If there was someone who could take the time to help find my mom in previous years, when I could not get the police to help me, then I may have been able to reconcile with her. I was only a child when she went “missing” due to family issues. When I became an adult, I was able to make my own decisions regarding my relationship with her and I wanted her to know how I felt… I wanted to try and rekindle a relationship with her. Living in another state from where she was last known located, made it very hard for me to be able to do anything as far as finding her. I needed someone to fill in the physical duties to find her, where I could not. There were people, Jeffrey Knapp especially, who stepped up and offered to help me. I hope that I can also be that person for someone else.

If I can create an accurate database that can be easily searched, I would like for it to be a research point that the public fiduciaries throughout the country can use it as a resource for finding next of kin of indigent. There is a similar website for missing persons called NAMUS that is used for identifying John or Jane Doe’s that are found. Hopefully, my site could also serve as a successful partnership with government officials. NAMUS is a similar concept as our focus is with White Tanks Cemetery. White Tanks has many brass plates that are simply marked with John Doe or Jane Doe. And those who are placed there with a name, more often than not, are individuals who have no known family or next of kin. These people are MISSING PERSONS somewhere! I have often wondered how many of those buried at White Tanks are Missing Persons who were flagged missing too late or never flagged missing at all… but are MISSED by someone!  NAMUS has a part of their website that is dedicated for the UNCLAIMED. But how often is it used and how long do the funeral homes wait for someone to be claimed?

Every person came from somewhere, where they had a life, a family and loved ones. No one should have to live completely alone and surely no one should have to die alone if it is unnecessary!

If you or someone you know has a situation that fits this posting similarly, please feel free to reach out and contact me at cleaning44870@gmail.com