Letter Received today from yet another disappointed loved one

(I have made a commitment to not release anyone's name without permission, but I feel it is so important to share these stories with everyone so that they can understand how WIDE SPREAD this issues truly is...)

Dear Miranda,

My brother who has been estranged from the family for about 10 or more years died on Feb 2, 2013 and was buried on Feb 23, 2013  at White Tanks. The Abel Funeral Director told me it was a well cared for cemetery. Then I saw the photos today.

I contacted the Maricopa County Burial Dept. to ask for the location of his burial site. I have yet to get called back.

I would like to have a death  certificate. I filled out the application on line. I sent a photo of my passport, a notarized signature, and a copy of my Dad's obituary who has the same name as my brother and names him as his son and me as a sister. All documents were returned to me today saying I haven't given them enough documentation. 

This p.m. I received your site with stories of so many people who want to bring their loved ones home and SHOULD BE allowed to do it. We do not know how many are buried on top of one another. One witness says that a cement slab is put on top of the "casket". This should be stopped at once. I am sure the politicians do not know this. Letters should be written in the local newspapers and a local TV program should be advised....maybe CNN would like the storry.There is no justice and I am going to bring my brother home no matter what!

White Tanks Angels Foundation Facebook Page

Hey everyone, I just wanted to all let you know that I have started a page on Facebook for the White Tanks Angels Foundation. I am hoping that all of you will go to the group page and join! If you don't necessary want to be publicly affiliated with the foundation, you could also add me personally as a friend on facebook.
Just make sure when you send me an add friend request, that you give me a little note that says you are from my White Tanks Blog.

White Tanks Angels Foundation on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/463365900408581/
My personal profile site on Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/miranda.skinn

I hope that you will join me one way or another!  Social media is an excellent way to get information out. It can be shared with so many people so quickly!

Also, there are multiple photos of the services and cemetery on the facebook group page of White Tanks  Hopefully these pictures will provide a little comfort to those seeking answers. Seeing the series of photos is almost like being there for a loved ones service from beginning to end. Every burial and service performed is done so in the same manner. They wanted every person treated equally out there, hence, why there is no private markers allowed.

To view the pictures visit the following link:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/463365900408581/photos/

Thank you and God Bless,   Miranda Rhuda

Letter Received About White Tanks Cemetery

I am so saddened to hear your story. I can't imagine what it felt like to find your mother's obituary like that. Nothing I do can undo how her life story went, but  I hope you can find some small piece of comfort knowing that your mother is and will continue to be more than a one line obituary.

I go to White Tanks Cemetery often. Every soul resting there is important to me and has a special place in my heart. The stories of the people laid to rest there are often sad and tragic, if the person's name is even known at all. I walk up and down the rows, saying each name I pass aloud and cherishing the the fact that they were, and still are, a part of all our lives. I feel that everyone on this planet is a part of one family. Every life is valid and special to me.

As I have done with Miranda's mom, I will visit your mother's place each time I go. I leave little trinkets or flowers or sketch things in the dirt, hearts and symbols etc, just to leave some love. Miranda told me about her mother, how she was creative and liked home-made things and I do my best to honor and celebrate that each time I visit. I try to take pictures each time and email them, but very often my phone won't take the pictures or they won't email or upload. For some reason electronics just don't function well out there.

I attached a pretty recent picture of the rose fields that stretch for miles just on the other side of the dirt road from the cemetery. It really is a beautiful place. Heart breaking and still, but it has a quiet beauty that I have never seen anywhere else.

If you can't find her plot number I can look for her based on the date she passed. Burials are done one next to the other so knowing the date will narrow my search area down considerably. I will keep your mom's love of dogs in mind. Please feel free to tell me anything about her.

There are other's who understand the circumstances of White Tanks Cemetery. Some by choice, others by circumstance. I'm sure you know all the burials are done by prison inmates. From what I have heard the program is life changing for those chosen to participate. It's humbling and real and has a profound effect on the prisoners. They stand in place of loved ones and say a prayer with a minister for each burial. Once a year a church group gathers at the cemetery and has a ceremony where the name of each person buried that year is read aloud and a flower placed on their grave. As I said before, I tried to take pictures of all the flowers placed around, but my camera wouldn't have it. 

I will go out to the cemetery next week and do my best to locate your mom and send some pictures, for you as well Miranda. If either of you have something special you would like me to do please don't hesitate to ask. Any bit of peace a I can offer another person brings peace to me as well.

First Volunteer for White Tanks Angels

I would like to take a moment to highlight and thank one of our White Tanks Angels.
Volunteer, Tawsha Mincheski-Craft of Litchfield Park, AZ.

Sun, Feb 20, 2011

I received an e-mail at my AOL account. Subject: Joyce Darlene Patterson - White Tanks Cemetery. The message read as follows:

"Hi, my name is Tawsha. I was doing some searching on the internet about the White Tanks Cemetery,  which I visit often. I used to live near by and always felt a pull to go there and remember some of the "forgotten". I know the history of the cemetery, how they are buried there and why. 

First, I want to tell you that I think the cemetery is peaceful and beautiful. AZ isn't a lush green hillside, but this cemetery is not as bad as you were lead to believe. There is heartache there, unknown tragedy. But please know these people laid to rest here are not forgotten castaways. There are those of us that know the story and go there with love, compassion and honor to all who rest there. 

If it is okay with you, I would like to visit your mothers plot and care for it in your, and her, honor. If you wold like to tell me about her, I can place some things, flowers, candles, etc where she rests that are meaningful to you and her. While there are not private markers there are many places that have been adorned by those that love and miss their friends and family. I can make something for her with her name on it if you would like.

I have always felt the people at White Tanks Cemetery need some love and attention and if it's okay with you, I would like to express some of this to your mother."
 
I hope my email finds you and finds you well,
-- Tawsha --

I was so blown away by her kindness when I read this e-mail. Her words were comforting to hear and to know that someone would be able to visit my mother's grave and tend to it, in my place, made me feel so much better! My reply was as follows:

"Tawsha,

Your email has touched me very deeply. I would absolutely be indebted to you forever if you would see to my mother's grave for me. I could not want anything more! I am running out the door right now, but I will definitely write more to you about her... she was a very crafty person and would love to have homemade stuff placed there. It would make her smile. Thank you so very much and I am relieved to hear your story."

The next e-mail that I received was from her on THANKSGIVING DAY! And I can tell you that Holidays have always been the hardest for me. I used to spend my Holidays with my mother for visitation. The fact that she sent these on Thanksgiving, made the pain of the Holiday away from my mom, more bearable!

"Hello there, Just wanted to send you some pictures of your mother's resting place. I wish I could take credit for the lovely marker, but it was done by a friend of mine. I wanted to let you know, and assure you, that you have at least two people caring for and tending to your mother and her place. 

The other pictures are of the rose field right outside the cemetery. They are all just about to bloom, miles of roses surrounded by fields of crops and wild Arizona flowers and plants. The zoo is nearby and ducks and other critters fly by and rest in the trees. Very near the White Tank mountains. 

The cemetery is very misunderstood, it's quite beautiful, peaceful, unassuming. There is a church group that gathers there every Thanksgiving to read the names and say a blessing for the people who passed each year and were buried there. Today the cemetery was covered in red and pink carnations, sending some love to the people who have passed. This is not a place that is forgotten. Quiet and private, but not forgotten.

Much love to you and your family.Happy Thanksgiving!"

-- Tawsha --

I was already so touched by her kindness... but when she sent me the pictures, it was a whole new level of touched!  One of the things that I had spoke about in my blog was the fact that it bothered me that there are no private markers allowed at the cemetery. I really hated the fact that nowhere on her grave site did it state that she WAS LOVED and CLAIMED by someone... that really irked me. And I felt that because she was a good mother to me, despite her alcoholism and mental illness, that she deserved to be recognized as such. And when Tawsha sent me the photos of my mother's grave site, this is what I saw...

Tawsha, I can NOT thank you enough for what you have done. And while you have stated that it was not you, but a friend of yours who did the stone... please tell them that my deepest gratitude is offered. And to you as well... if it was not for you and your compassion and interest in the cemetery and my mother's story, she would still just be a brass marker with a name there. Everything that you have done, means so much to me.

And now, she had formally accepted the invite to become a permanent, official, volunteer for the White Tanks Angels Foundation. This week, she has accepted an e-mail request by another family with a mother buried at White Tanks. This woman, like me, also lives outside of the state of Arizona and can not be there to tend to her mother's grave site or even lay flowers as a matter of respect.

Tawsha, it is truly amazing that you will take time out of your own life to serve those of us around you who are in need. God has declared that there are angels among us that he sends to watch over us and YOU are one of God's Angels and White Tanks Angels! You deserve some kind of reward for your empathy and compassion! Thank you Lord for blessing us and our foundation with Tawsha Craft! I hope that we can find many many more.

Please take a moment to thank her and provide her with some words of encouragement also by emailing her at tawshacraft@hotmail.com 

Philanthropy at it's best! Donate in Honor of Joyce Darlene Patterson!

My mother loved to read. She taught me to read before I started Kindergarten. I remember her reading books to me quite frequently. She taught me how to cook, bake and sew. When she didn’t have a car, she would walk me half-way across town to buy me a paint-by-number or other craft activity kit with her last couple of dollars. She was fun and silly. She used to sit next to me at bedtime and pet my face for me until I could fall asleep.

I remember my mother being a very kind, sincere and compassionate woman. She was moved by other people’s emotions. Many said she was just too sensitive or ridiculous, but I am the same way! She wanted to help others so bad, so she attempted to go to nursing school; but, she got kicked out of the program because she was breaking the rules of the facility by allowing the patients to do various things not allowed, just to make them more comfortable.

Due to remembering my mother in this light, I feel that I NEED to honor her life and existence by completing something GREAT for others IN HER NAME.  She was always doing kind things for other people, helping them out and such. So, by me creating a foundation of charity as a result of her death, I feel that she would be very pleased and proud!  If nothing else good came from her life due to her struggle with mental illness, I can at least allow for something good to come from her death and the awful circumstances in which she passed on (alone and disassociated).

A friend of mine, Jeffrey Knapp, has already started an organization in my mother's name. It is KIVA Lending and it gives small business loans to people both here in the United States and in third world for business start-up funding and capitol. The entire organization is run and funded by volunteers. Volunteers can log on to the site, check out the various lending situations and choose one they feel compelled to support! It is a great charity organization that supports the independence of women worldwide. My mom, I think, would definitely like the idea of this!  Please, take a peek at it and see what you think. You never know, maybe YOU could use a small loan to help with something!  http://www.kiva.org/team/jdp

I originally tried to sort everything out with my mother's circumstance, but it was really too hard for me to barrel through all of the disappointments and emotions that came with it. But now that I have been able to spend some time processing it all and working through it, I am hoping that I will have what it takes see these efforts through to the end!

All I need is some determination, focus, desire and support from friends and fellow philanthropists!

Thank you for your encouragement and kind words!

God Bless to all of you,

Miranda Rhuda

White Tanks Angels Foundation

The “White Tanks Angels” Foundation

My name is Miranda Rhuda, in recent years I found that my mother had passed (after a 12 year search) and was placed in the ground at White Tanks Cemetery, Goodyear, Arizona. I am from Ohio. Due to financial strains and being a mother of 3 small children, I am unable to travel to Arizona to visit my mother’s grave. My story has been published by various News organizations, online bloggers, etc… And I have had many people, what I believe are God’s angels or Good Samaritans, that have stepped up and offered to visit my mother’s grave for me. Some people have offered to tend to it permanently. I was upset that my mother was only recognized by a brass marker in the ground with her date of death on it. Those markers do signify in any way, or give recognition to, the fact that Joyce Patterson who died March 1, 2007 was a MOTHER, SISTER, DAUGHTER, GRANDMOTHER, etc…  For whatever reason, the cemetery has a sign that says NO PRIVATE MARKERS allowed. But, someone who read my story, cared enough that they purchased a stone for my mother’s grave that says MOTHER. This act of kindness made a world’s difference for me. The only thing that has gotten me through the awful journey of my mother’s life and death is the kindness of complete strangers offered to me time and time again. I have always believe in God, but after experiencing this journey, I know without a doubt in my mind that the Lord has provided me with Angels that have comforted me, offered peace and closure along the way.

Through my journey, I have met and come across many people who have reached out to me that also have loved ones at White Tanks. They have the same concerns that I do of not being able to visit or care for their loved ones grave site. So, from all the way up in Ohio, I am reaching out to those who have volunteered to help me, churches already involved at White Tanks and any other individuals interested in staffing a volunteer organization that will assist these out of range loved ones with gaining some closure and comfort.

What Will the White Tanks Angels Foundation Volunteers Do?

Upon request of family members, volunteers will be asked to purchase specific items that are of a personal nature to the deceased and visit their grave to place these objects.  Funds will be provided by the family or foundation as needed if the volunteer cannot. We will ask that pictures or video be taken by the volunteer while tending to the grave and leaving them there on behalf of the family/friends of the deceased. Pictures should then be sent to the family via e-mail. The pictures being sent to the family allows them to feel (at least somewhat) like they were able to be there. It provides confirmation that it has been done and gives them peace of mind in seeing that there is more there than just a plain brass marker there. For many of us with loved ones at White Tanks, we were never able to say goodbye to our loved ones. Living with the guilt of being disassociated from your family is hard enough, then to compound that with the thought of the person dying alone; it makes the grieving process almost unbearable. Being able to have someone visit on their behalf to speak a few words from them and leaving something sentimental can give at least a little remedy to the guilt they are plagued with.

How Can I Get Involved? What Can I Do to Help?

If you are interested in volunteering, want more information or need these services, please send an email request to Miranda Rhuda at cleaning44870@gmail.com  Subject line: White Tanks  or you can send a text to 419-602-7147

LOST But NOT FORGOTTEN

Lost But Not Forgotten

Far too often in life, for various reasons, families are split apart. Loved ones are separated from their families and live alone, secluded, away from everyone. Yes, it is true that many of these individuals often choose to live this way; however, many times the loved ones that they leave behind do not feel the same. How many times in life do we get into fights with people and say things that we really don’t mean? It happens all the time. But for some people, these kinds of spats happen and the next thing they know, the other party has vanished for good.  There is nothing more hurtful in the world than to have a disagreement with someone and never have the ability to reconcile with them.

Mental illness and substance abuse are some of the biggest causes of these types of situations. So many families have given up, after multiple tries, to get their family member sober. And so many times, family will attempt to intervene in getting someone mental health assistance, but for various reasons, some unknown, it is unsuccessful. These people who are victims of substance abuse or mental illness are LOST. They are lost in life, stuck in a world that just continues to devour them. They are no happier than those trying to help them futilely. Sometimes, there is just no easy way out for these people. And after years go by, each member of the family has tried to help and has given up. When there is no one left to help, what then? What do the LOST do when there is no one left to stand with them?

Cases such as these happen all the time. In my own life journey, trying to chase down and locate my mother who was an alcoholic AND suffered from severe mental illness (dissociative identity disorder and others)—I have come across many others with the same types of stories. There are so many people who have a family member who has either detached themselves or has been disowned from the rest of the family. And most of the time, the person who isolates themselves or leaves from being disowned, actually still has family or friends somewhere who still care. It leaves a huge hole in the hearts of those who care for these people and they spend their lives trying to find some way to fix it.

Many of the homeless individuals that you see in our country are from situations and families just like these. And I can bet you that more than half of those homeless, have someone somewhere, who is thinking of them and wishing they knew how to fix it. But when an adult member of society decides that they no longer want to be found, they are entitled to do that. It is sad. Very Sad. Something needs to be done to remedy some of the situation. There are so many unnecessary broken hearts in our country that could be mended with a little extra care and work to help find those that are “LOST”. Many families have no idea how they would even attempt to find someone voluntarily “lost” in such a big place. So it is my goal, to try and do what I can, to attempt to help those people.

When explosive disagreements happen or family life is less than perfect, it often leaves individuals feeling unloved, like no one cares about them anymore.  But there are very few people that you can talk to that will tell you they are 100% able to write anyone off for good. The LOST feel that there is no one left to love them, which in fact is usually not the case. Someone cares and wonders where they are…

Many of us, unfortunately, have experienced having someone LOST and are not at the point in the road where they are deceased. Finding out that they died alone, you had no attempts to reconcile or declare your feelings, and that you were never able to say goodbye or give one last offering of love at a funeral or memorial service is really hard. It will leave a scar in your heart forever.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. I have tried to run every scenario through my mind that could possibly offer assistance in this matter. I have come up with a couple of possibilities that I think might help, IF I can gather and rally up enough of the RIGHT volunteers for it. There are many people who volunteer and are advocates for the homeless; I am hoping that some of those people will come forward to help. If you know anyone, are interested in helping yourself or might be able to point me in the right direction, please let me know by sending me an email at cleaning44870@gmail.com

My vision of possible solutions for these matters:

1.      Create a website (a database of sorts) that will allow families and/or individuals to post about their LOST loved ones. Or allow the LOST to post about themself and their family. Anyone with information about someone who is known to be detached from their family elsewhere, can post to this website. (It will most likely be people who know there is distress about the family detachment.)

It is my hopes that in doing this, those that are LOST may find someone is looking for them; And for the friend/family of the LOST, may be able to find their loved one by matching their criteria to that of possible homeless, mentally ill or other individuals submitted.

2.      Create an organization that is free of charge, that uses services and resources similar to private detectives, that can assist in researching individuals who are estranged from their families. Volunteers who can write down the case information for the person submitted, get family information, background, etc… to use to search in particular locations by notifying homeless, health and public enforcement agencies. We need a staff of people who can spread the word about someone being sought after. If you have an adult who is “missing” from your life, but does not meet the criteria to be officially listed as “MISSING”—you can notify the law enforcement in their suspected area of residence, so that the police can inform the individual that they are being inquired about.

If I am the administrator of the website, then when family members or friends post about someone who is possibly homeless or has mental illness concerns, I can use that information to research and notify possible agencies/areas about that individual and the family/friend seeking them. Someone has to be the one to reach out and notify these people that they are being sought after. Some of them may choose to remain detached; if that is the case then at least we can notify the family that the person is alive and well. Some of them who are notified may discover that they were not forgotten and might just find their way home! Law enforcement has their hands tied when it comes to missing adults because they are only allowed to do so much. They have to respect the rights of the individual. They also do not have the time, manpower or funds to spend searching for adults who “went missing on their own free will”. So I feel that I need to create a service that will fill in that gap. I have been there and had to find out the hard way what resources were available to me, etc… I want to be able to help others in finding and using those resources more quickly and efficiently.

If there was someone who could take the time to help find my mom in previous years, when I could not get the police to help me, then I may have been able to reconcile with her. I was only a child when she went “missing” due to family issues. When I became an adult, I was able to make my own decisions regarding my relationship with her and I wanted her to know how I felt… I wanted to try and rekindle a relationship with her. Living in another state from where she was last known located, made it very hard for me to be able to do anything as far as finding her. I needed someone to fill in the physical duties to find her, where I could not. There were people, Jeffrey Knapp especially, who stepped up and offered to help me. I hope that I can also be that person for someone else.

If I can create an accurate database that can be easily searched, I would like for it to be a research point that the public fiduciaries throughout the country can use it as a resource for finding next of kin of indigent. There is a similar website for missing persons called NAMUS that is used for identifying John or Jane Doe’s that are found. Hopefully, my site could also serve as a successful partnership with government officials. NAMUS is a similar concept as our focus is with White Tanks Cemetery. White Tanks has many brass plates that are simply marked with John Doe or Jane Doe. And those who are placed there with a name, more often than not, are individuals who have no known family or next of kin. These people are MISSING PERSONS somewhere! I have often wondered how many of those buried at White Tanks are Missing Persons who were flagged missing too late or never flagged missing at all… but are MISSED by someone!  NAMUS has a part of their website that is dedicated for the UNCLAIMED. But how often is it used and how long do the funeral homes wait for someone to be claimed?

Every person came from somewhere, where they had a life, a family and loved ones. No one should have to live completely alone and surely no one should have to die alone if it is unnecessary!

If you or someone you know has a situation that fits this posting similarly, please feel free to reach out and contact me at cleaning44870@gmail.com